It's been a while… since my last blog.
So much has happened over the last few months, I'm not really sure where to start. I'm not going to do my usual (sorry) and re-count each event -to be honest I can't keep up with it all myself! This blog is probably the most honest account I have written to date- not so pink and sparkly as the others. I am not super-human and l have struggled to stay smiling recently- even with the aid of pink lipstick.
Life has been challenging to say the least and that's without all of the 15in15 Challenges thrown into the mix - but I will plough on with the determination and drive passed onto me by the inspiration for all of this - DAD.
It's very easy to forget just how far 15in15 has come in the space of 9 short months… since my last blog we have had the Great North Swim, QE triathlon (One event I haven't done), Ride London 100, The Great North Bike Ride (there and back for me) and coming up in 2 days and (1 year and a day after we lost dad) The Great North Run.
To be completely honest - I think I hugely underestimated how much of a challenge one event a month was going to be alongside training. Especially since June, there have been many long and enduring events which have taken their toll on my body. This year was never going to be an easy one - even with the determination passed on to me by dad - bodies get tired and in my case, my mind has also struggled to stay strong and endure it's own battles.
For the first time in my life I have struggled to keep a positive outlook on life. Whilst I'm aware that many, many people go through far more heartbreaking and horrendous challenges in their lives, loosing my dad has been the hardest challenge I have come across in my 32 years so far. The summer months have been long and I have found myself struggling for motivation - sunday was always a day I spent with my dad. We ran, we biked, we talked and we put the world to rights in the hills, on the beach and burning up the tarmac (well on the occasions we were going downhill). It's only now he's gone that I have realised that he was also one of my best mates (sorry if that sounds sappy) Without him decision making is much harder and things don't make sense in the way that they used to - He always knew what to say to put things into perspective. I've had to learn to look at life from a different angle and find new ways to spend what (for a time) were becoming very lonely sundays. I am finding a new kind of happy though slowly.
Things are getting better - there are still very dark days from time to time, but with some help from friends/family and someone impartial to talk to who can put a different perspective on things, my smile is coming back and staying for longer periods of time.
Often people ask 'should you be doing Ironman?!' - 'You must be worn out with all these events?!' - 'Have you taken on too much?!' - The truth is that I don't know - One thing am sure of however, is that without the release that cycling, swimming and running brings, I would be in a much worse place than I am currently. Yes I am tired, Yes I am ready for a break - but NO - I am not giving up on a dream that I have had, and been working towards for the last 3 years - Dad would not have accepted that and he would have told me to dig deep and finish the job. That's exactly what I intend to do.
The most special and overwhelming aspect to come out of this awful time, is the support Rach, Mum and I have received from our friends and family. Old friends, new friends and friends only made because of 15in15. It has made life better, richer and hopefully as a result of dad's legacy we have raised enough money so that someone else can be saved a little sooner and their family will get to keep their mum, dad, sister, brother, husband/wife for longer. Our current total stands at nearly 19k and this is something that always makes me smile on bad days. I find it impossible to process how involved some of our friends have become with our campaign - It's completely awe inspiring the lengths that people have gone to in order that we smash our target. For that I am hugely grateful and when I am old and grey it will still make me smile -teeth permitting- pink lipstick wearing.
I am a very different person to the girl I was 5 years ago. Loosing dad has made me stronger and weaker at the same time. People say to me all the time "You're mad' - "You're hardcore" - and the front runner and all-time favourite "I could never do an Ironman" - This is complete rubbish. I couldn't even run a mile without stopping 10 years ago. You just need a goal and a reason to believe you can do it. If you really want it, then it's yours for the taking. Never give up. Never let anyone tell you that it's not possible and more than anything remember… nothing worth having ever comes easily. If you want something you have to fight for it and I am fighting for this Ironman and for my smile back thanks!
My body is tired and so is my mind, my knee and neck are starting to object to hours and hours/ miles and miles spent pedalling up hills and pounding the tarmac - but I will not give up and neither should you. Without a doubt the Ironman will be the hardest and most enduring task mentally and physically I have ever (and probably will ever) do in my life, but I tell you what - one thing I know for sure, in amongst all the sadness and heartache of this year - When I run over that finish line on October 4th - I will not be thinking 'Why did I do that?!', 'I wish I hadn't done that!' or 'I really regret the effort I have put into this!' - It's not been easy but every step has been worth it - That medal has my name on it!
Next time I write I will be in possession of my Ironman medal and hopefully my mind and body will be in good shape! I look forward to telling you all about the completion of this epic journey! That thought is one which never fails to keep me going - "Charlotte Woodcock you are an Ironman"!!! - Heart pounding at that thought!
Courage to Start - Strength to Endure - RESOLVE TO FINISH!
Love Lottie xxx
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